In the interests of full transparency before diving into this review, I must admit: I’m a massive fan of Savage Garden. The band’s two monumental albums were often blared from the tape player of my parent’s VN Vacationer Commodore, embedding themselves into the soundtrack of my childhood and bookmarking every road trip in the early 2000s. Writing this with Brisbane’s skyline framed by my window, my hometown bias for the boys from Brissy is simply, undeniable.
That said, Darren Hayes’s unflinching new memoir, Unlovable, really transcends all of that. More than a pop star fairy tale, Hayes has penned a raw, painful, achingly honest, and unexpectedly cathartic exploration of trauma, violence, identity and strength amidst a dreamlike Australian success story.
It’s not shocking to find out there is more to an artist than PR approved bios and #1 hits. But, many memoirs rarely escape their predictable bio-pic formula. Unlovable and Hayes by extension as its author however, buck that trend in a big way.
Opening the book with humble beginnings in the outer suburbs of Brisbane, Hayes sketches a familiar image of a bright, creative kid struggling to fit into a world that doesn’t quite get him. More concerned with learning the choreography to Madonna’s Like a Virgin tour to gawking at Playboys and watching Rugby League like his mates, it’s tempting to feel these childhood obsessions were a roadmap dotted with clues to inevitable success. But knowing how the story goes, it makes it that much harder to conceive that Hayes’s father, a violent alcoholic who cast a long shadow over the family, unleashed cycles of physical and emotional abuse that shaped Hayes’s childhood in ways both devastating and enduring.
Hayes recounts how his mother Judy survived punishing ordeals, doing everything in her power to shield her children while enduring unspeakable hardships herself. The relationship with his mother is ultimately the beating heart of Unlovable, underscoring the resilience and love that allowed Hayes to persevere through both his public and private life, and is incredibly touching.
Hayes’s struggles with his sexuality are also well fleshed out, and the singer addresses these experiences with disarming sincerity. The social cruelty he endured as a result—from school to record executives—makes for some of the memoir’s most challenging moments. Yet, these reflections are far from a morbid analysis. Instead, Hayes offers a front row seat to the internal battles that led the singer to discover who he is and was meant to be. It’s an emotional journey and one that has you rooting for Hayes through it all. For those that might mirror this journey I’m sure it will be equally inspiring and utterly cathartic, as it should be for almost anyone with an empathetic bone in their body.
Of course, Unlovable also chronicles the meteoric rise of Savage Garden and Hayes’ solo career, charting the journey from working in a Brisbane record store to selling tens of millions of albums worldwide. From Queensland cover band to world wide success story, Hayes offers unprecedented access to Savage Garden’s early days and the process is a treat for die-hard fans. Hayes’s ascent reads like both a fairytale and a horror movie in equal measure though, punctuated by incredible highs and crushing lows.
His relationship with Daniel Jones—the enigmatic second half of the duo—is perhaps the most striking. Jones is painted as a distant, almost spectral figure whose contributions were vital to the band’s success but also central to its dissolution at its peak. However, rather than veering into sensationalism or bitterness, Hayes approaches the subject with grace and maturity. His reflections on their estrangement, like much of the book, are marked by acceptance and is a testament to Hayes’s admirable capacity for reflection.
One of the memoir’s most fascinating aspects is that the story of Savage Garden—a soap opera in its own right— it often feels like a secondary story to the turbulent internal world of its singer. Hayes’s journey transcends the glitz and drama of the music industry and is truly full of universal human experiences that drew me in more than the headrush of fame, photoshoots and designer clothes. Domestic violence, sexual identity, self discovery and healing are delivered with equal reverence amongst the rise and fall of Savage Garden.
This is all largely thanks to the impeccable storytelling by Hayes. As a songwriter, it’s no surprise he writes with lyricism. But, the prose here feels especially refined, shaped by a lifetime spent unpacking emotions and experiences with therapeutic nous. His voice is kind, introspective, and deeply relatable. He’s truly capable of making you feel like a young boy afraid of the world, allowing you to share in the exuberance of a lifelong dream materialised and the crushing blows delivered by executives, corporate suits, friends and family.
As raw as it is compelling, Unlovable is often a genuinely difficult read. Unflinching accounts of abuse force you to take a breath and wonder how anyone could come out the other side intact—much less as the frontman of one of Australia’s most successful musical exports. The story contradicts the larger than life figure that delivered the world bombastic pop hits and tender love songs, all the while struggling so deeply. And yet, Hayes’s memoir is not a dreary affair, nor does it beg for pity. It’s not devoid of hope, but in fact its filled with it.
Dusted with the language of a man who has made peace with his past, the singer holds no malice despite the immense pain endured. More than a musician’s biography, Unlovable is a deeply human story about surviving abuse, navigating identity, and finding strength to endure. Darren Hayes has not only written a memoir worth reading; he has written a textbook on the effects of kindness, resolution and perseverance. An affirmation, if you will, of survival and learning to love yourself for who and what you are, and accepting that we’re never truly unlovable.
FIVE STARS (OUT OF FIVE)
Unlovable by Darren Hayes is available now from Penguin Australia. Grab yourself a copy from your local bookshop HERE.
