A few days before International Women’s Day I found myself having dinner with a male friend. Seemingly out of nowhere he mentions that ‘Women’s Day’ is coming up and because the bar is in hell when it comes to my expectations of men, I was surprised and impressed that he actually knew the date.
He then challenges, ‘I bet you don’t know when International Men’s Day is.’
And because this isn’t my first rodeo, I am able to respond that it’s the 19th November.
I ask if he had known when International Men’s Day was. He had not. Because it’s not women who don’t care about International Men’s Day – it’s men. They only give a shit on International Women’s Day.
In honour of International Women’s Day, the Sydney Opera House once again hosted the All About Women festival, a day of empowering talks designed to start conversations and inspire change.
And after my encounter with my mate, I was beyond keen for the day ahead.
With a fantastic line-up of talks ranging from why women are choosing not to have children, how we can elevate women in sport, to the ongoing domestic violence epidemic that is getting worse every year – All About Women had me fired up.
I was incredibly grateful to be able to attend 5 brilliant talks across the day.
The Baby Boycott
The decision of whether or not to have a child has never been more complicated for women. Between the financial pressures of a cost-of-living crisis, the impending doom of climate change and the ever-present societal pressures to procreate – it’s no wonder women are opting out of motherhood.
Calling ours a “pro-natal society”, Laura Henshaw (she/her), CEO and co-founder of Kic, confessed that the older she got, the less she wanted kids, commenting, “I don’t want to lose my identity. I don’t want to lose my life.” Some may view this as an overreaction, but when you consider the narrative constructed around parents, it’s entirely valid. Who hasn’t heard new parents lament about the lack of sleep that comes with a newborn or that all your weekends are now dominated by children. Is it any wonder that some people may choose a different path? So why do we shame them when they do?
Demographer Dr Liz Allen (she/her), who is mother to 7 children, discussed the misconception that a mother immediately bonds with her baby. She explained that when she first gave birth, she had to learn to love them, the way you develop feelings for a new friend, she comments, “I didn’t feel that immediate love but my god I’d found my place in the world.”
With the fertility rate the lowest it’s ever been in Australia, reproductive rights journalist, author and editor, Gina Rushton (she/her), attributes this drop to several factors, with two of the biggest being economic anxiety and climate change. Allen refers to it as a “cluster-fuck of a crisis,” saying “no baby bonus is going to make someone have a baby. $3,000 is a piss in the pot.”
She continues that deciding to have a baby is “no longer a free choice, it’s a constrained choice.” With woman unable to rely on men, they need to make their own money, however by the time women feel financially secure, they’re in their 30s. Suddenly you’re 35, single, trolling dating apps and realise that all the men are shit (I’m guessing…) But, as Rushton reassures us, “motherhood doesn’t have to be the default,” and this should be celebrated, not shamed.
Hot tip to the Government – if you want the fertility rate to increase, create policies that make it easier for women to actually have children. Make IVF more affordable. Pay women superannuation while on maternity leave. Educate men and women on fertility and how their bodies work. Ask women what they need. And never forget, as Henshaw remarked, “Women don’t owe anyone children.”
The Tradwives Club
Tradwives is a cultural phenomenon taking over TikTok and Instagram through content creators such as Nara Smith and Ballerina Farm. These women present an idyllic and simple life of domesticity, baking bread and cooking from scratch without any mess and making it look easy. To clarify, Tradwives are not housewives or stay-at-home-mums. I should know. My mum was a stay-at-home mum, and I can tell you right now she did not make us gum from scratch while wearing a spotless dress and perfect hair.
You may be wondering what’s so troublesome about women cooking for content. The concern can be found in the image they’re portraying and how it is being politicised by the far right in America. Their content is essentially propaganda for what a woman ‘should’ be, how a wife ‘should’ behave, and that’s dangerous.
Senior features writer for The Times of London, Megan Agnew (she/her), defines Tradwiferey as the performance of domesticity, and with Trump’s America all about children, marriage and religion, is it any wonder this content is being used as political fodder. Writer, actor and director Nakkiah Lui (she/her) refers to this, as a “soft power” by the right.
ABC’s national culture correspondent and a host of the pop culture podcast, Stop Everything!, Beverley Wang (she/her), discussed how social media can hypnotise and often it is the aesthetic that attracts us, but there is a terrifying lack of media literacy. “So much work goes into Tradwives videos,” she comments, “but they show no work at all.” It’s a performance, it’s not real life.
It’s also a massive display of wealth, Agnew comments, with Wang elaborating that Tradwives are about “worshipping whiteness.” With the exception of one or two, Tradwife creators are typically white, feminine, wealthy and religious.
Author, comedian, podcaster and public speaker, Rosie Waterland (she/her), raises an interesting point when she asks, “if a woman wants to lean out, is their only option Tradwives? Is this the only answer to burnout?” Is that why women are finding the content these women are creating so appealing? It presents an escape from the pressures of everyday life. But as Agnew reminds us, to become a Tradwife is to “opt out of power structures”, as important decisions that create systemic change are made outside of the home.
While it could be argued that Tradwives are taking the hidden labour of housewives and commodifying it, it’s more accurate to claim, as Agnew says, “Tradwives are not giving value to work done in the home. Their content devalues it as they are making it look easy.” Something I’m sure all women can agree, it is not.
Game Changers
With disgraced former Triple M presenter and apparent comedian Marty Sheargold’s horrific comments about the CommBank Matilda’s still ringing in people’s ears, there’s never been a more appropriate time to talk about women’s sport.
Addressing the recent commentary, former Matildas’ goalkeeper Lydia Williams (she/her) commented that “each player is their own biggest critic,” she continues, “we want to be criticised as professionals, not because we’re women.” You wouldn’t walk into someone’s workplace or office and start making those kinds of comments and, as advocate, media and PR lead for the Matildas Ann Odong (she/her) adds, “Their workplace is in front of 40,000 people.”
Odong continues, “We need to reshape, rethink and reimagine what women’s sport looks like.” But what does this mean? “Do we want to replicate what the men have done?” journalist and broadcaster Tracey Holmes (she/her) asks. The general consensus is no, we don’t, as Odong remarks, “We are not small men,” with former AFL player, coach and umpire Bec Goddard OAM, stating, “[Women’s sport] is its own product.”
It was heartening to hear Australian Rules Football player Kirby Bentley (she/her) comment that “we’re something to celebrate,” and she’s right. It’s something the public is beginning to understand, with thousands around Australia watching the Matildas in the Women’s FIFA World Cup in 2023, so why is it taking the media and financial investors so long to get on board?
Holmes hit the nail on the head when she said that Australian’s “say they love the underdog but really we love the underdog that wins.” However, as Goddard comments, “winning is unusual” – and it’s true. Does that mean that every team that doesn’t win has somehow failed? Is that our only measure of success? Odong adds, “We put people on a pedestal and forget the humanity of them,” something that can be seen happening right now with the Matildas.
It has been a continuous fight for women’s sport and while it’s come a long way, there is still a long way to go before true equity with the men’s game is achieved. But it was uplifting to hear Odong say, “Women are 50.7% of Australian’s – there’s power in that.” So let’s start using it.
State of Emergency
We are not even halfway through March and already 14 women have been murdered in Australia by men. That’s almost double from this time last year. How many more women and children must be killed before we recognise men’s violence for what it is – an act of terrorism. And the stats don’t lie – the number of Australians killed by terrorism globally since 1966 is 112. The number of women horrifically murdered (over 90% by men) since January 2024 is 116. (source: Australian Femicide Watch)
It broke my heart to hear the incredible advocate Rosie Batty (she/her) say it was “disheartening to see we’re still experiencing the same statistics.” Batty has been a powerful advocate fighting against men’s violence for 11 years, since her son was brutally murdered at the hands of his father. 11 years and nothing has changed. In fact, with the advent of new technologies, it’s arguably gotten worse.
Australia’s eSafety Commissioner, Julie Inman Grant AM, comments, “Technology is being weaponised by perpetrators,” before recounting an incident where a man was able to remotely control the lock on his family’s fridge to control when his wife and children ate. And it gets worse. There is image-based sexual abuse (incorrectly termed revenge porn), deep fake image-based abuse and the potential for rape perpetrated in the metaverse. Unfortunately, according to Grant, the ethos of these tech companies tends to be to build the product and retrofit safety features after, but it’s not good enough, she comments, “we need to get safety by design built in… it’s the technology industries seatbelt moment.” And in case you need further convincing, 27% of tech facilitated abuse uses children.
Palawa woman and Director of Monash University’s Indigenous Studies Centre, Professor Kyllie Cripps (she/her) discussed how difficult accessing help can be for indigenous women living on Country. Tragically, it is common for women in remote and regional Australia to die as a result of violence because the services aren’t available to them. This isn’t good enough.
Investigative journalist and one of Australia’s most recognised and respected thinkers on gendered violence, Jess Hill (she/her), commented that we are “not just dealing with the actions of a perpetrator, but also the system that enables them.” This sentiment is also reflected in Batty’s comment that “political cycles work against success,” using the example of the first National Plan to End Gender Based Violence, which was launched in 2010. By 2019, there had been 7 social services minsters. The Federal Government gave each state and territory funding to hire 300 additional domestic violence workers – most are still waiting to see this happen. As Hill says, who is holding politicians accountable to fulfil the National Plan?
Human rights defender, Zahra al Hilaly (she/her), touched on intergenerational trauma and the complexities that can occur when different cultures are involved, commenting, “we can’t talk about legal systems until we address the taboos within our own circles and communities.” She elaborated on the shame and ostracisation that can come with speaking up and how multicultural communities are less likely to go to the police due to fear.
Hill presented some disturbing statistics among young men in Australia. Of those interviewed:
- 1 in 4 believed they should have access to their partner’s phone.
- 1 in 8 believe their partner should respond immediately to texts.
- 1 in 10 believe it is ok to track their partner and see it as a sign of love.
As she rightly states, “We can’t change the behaviours until we change the attitudes.” And change them we must. 60% of Australians think gender equality has been achieved and we are actually discriminating against men. This is an insane statistic. How anyone can believe this when every week in Australia another woman is murdered at the hands of men is beyond all comprehension. As Batty says, “The terrorism overseas is not as great as the terrorism in your own home.” And she, of all people, would know.
Your Body, Whose Choice
Since the overturning of Roe v. Wade in the United States in 2022, there have been many conversations in Australia around whether we could see a similar change here. Currently, abortion is decriminalised in all states and territories, however recently we have seen new legislation attempting to be passed to change some of the details. Such as a new bill that would require South Australians seeking an abortion from 28 weeks to give birth (currently abortions after 22 weeks and six days are allowed in extreme circumstances where there is significant risk to mother or foetus). There was also the Children Born Alive Protection Bill, which claimed that sometimes babies were born alive after failed terminations. There are no statistics to support this claim.
While the oppression that is occurring to women in America seems unlikely to happen here, as reproductive rights journalist, author and editor Gina Rushton (she/her) says, “A threat to reproductive rights anywhere is an attack on reproductive rights everywhere.” Yorta Yorta woman and associate professor at the University of Wollongong, Dr Summer May Finlay (she/her) adds that what is happening in the U.S has “emboldened people from providing women medical care.” Something we are seeing occur here in rural and reginal areas where, despite being legal, women are being denied abortion care.
When asked for her thoughts on the overturning of Roe v. Wade, Jane Caro (she/her), a Walkley award winning Australian columnist, author, novelist, feminist, public education activist and social commentator, said, “I was horrified but not surprised,” she continues, “When you overturn a right you turn it into a wrong.” This creates shame. “People think that keeping the stigma alive will stop us,” she concludes. But as broadcast journalist and Liberal Party member Charlotte Mortlock (she/her) points out, around 78% of Australians don’t want changes to abortion rights, “so to go after it would be bad politics as well as abhorrent.”
One of the biggest issues when it comes to abortion care is access, something Finlay is incredible passionate about. Calling it a “postcode lottery,” she rightly insists that all women deserve the same access to medical care, but currently regional and remote communities just don’t have the same access as metropolitan cities.
Caro becomes impassioned when she says, “We fought for every single right we have – no one gave it to us,” she continues, “Reproductive rights are part of [telling women] GET BACK IN YOUR BOX!” But women aren’t going back into their box. Despite the very vocal, powerful and, at times, scary minority who preach about “pro-life”, they are the minority. Reproductive Rights are Human Rights and, according to Finlay, “Whether you’ve had an abortion or not, this affects you.”
One of the best things you can do, according to the panel, is stay politically informed. Mortlock comments, “Australian’s are so entitled to democracy, but you need to get involved. Voting every 3-4 years is not enough.” Join a political party, read about legislation in your state or territory, actively take part and have a voice in decisions made in this country.
Women in America are dying because doctors are unable to provide them with routine health care. We do not want to see this happen here. Men should NOT be making decisions that effect women’s bodies. Period.
What became clear to me today was that, not only do we have a long way to go, but in some areas, we appear to be going backwards. I’ve said it so many times, I attend All About Women every year and it appears as if we are having the same conversations over and over again.
Why is it so hard for our society to understand that violence against women is WRONG.
Why is it so hard for our society to understand that women DON’T owe you children.
Why is it so hard for our society to understand that access to healthcare is a FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHT.
Why is it so hard for our society to understand it’s not “women’s” sport, it’s just SPORT.
Why is it so hard for our society to understand that safe access to abortions is EVERY WOMAN’S RIGHT.
It is mind blowing that all of this is not perceived as basic common sense. It is also insane that every time I attend All About Women, or I attend an International Women’s Day event, or a rally fighting for women’s safety, the big question I’m left with is – where are the men?!?
Oh I didn’t think it was an event for me, I thought it was for women only, I didn’t know it was on blah blah blah… To the very small percentage of men who will bother to read this article, cause, after all, it’s not about you, I have to ask – why do you hate women?
You may be pro-choice, you may be a Matildas fan and maybe you’ve never used coercive control over a partner, but if you are not showing up and speaking up when it matters, you are part of the problem. So where the fuck are you?!? Until men start attending these events, until men start listening to the stories of women, until men start showing up for us, nothing will change. In 12 months’ time I will be here again, supporting women, elevating their voices and advocating for our right to exist in the world, for our right to ownership over our own bodies, our right to feel safe in our own homes. Men, when will you start listening?
FIVE STARS (OUT OF FIVE)
All About Women was held on the 8 – 9 March 2025.
For more information head to the Sydney Opera House website.
Photos by Cassandra Hannagan and Anna Kucera
