What would you do if your father told you he’d written an erotic novel? Would you cover your ears and ask him to never speak of it again? Or would you invite some friends around for a reading, and record it for the world to hear…
Jamie Morton chose the latter, and so the podcast My Dad Wrote a Porno was born. I sat down with the man himself, in Sydney as part of Sydney Writers’ Festival, to talk about it.
“I was really kind of proud of him, to be honest with you,” says Jamie about his father’s decision to write a book. “I thought it was amazing… He was a manual labourer – a builder – and he ran a car mechanics for a long time, so the fact that he was even going to dip his toe into the world of writing was pretty cool.”
But when Rocky Flintstone (not his real name) offered to send Jamie a few chapters to read, his son had no idea what he was in for.
“What do I do with this?! I was just kind of lost for a while. Why has he sent it to me? – that was one of my biggest questions. Put apart for one side the fact that he has written this stuff – why am I the person that he wants to share it with?!
“But when my initial shock and repulsion died down, I just started reading it and realised that it was so funny.”
These chapters were the beginning of Belinda Blinked 1, full title Belinda Blinked; 1 ; A modern story of sex, erotica and passion. How the sexiest sales girl in business earned her huge bonus by being the best at removing her high heels.
Using this piece of literature to create a podcast seemed like the obvious step. “I took it to the pub with my mates, and just started to read it to them… and afterwards we couldn’t stop talking about it and thinking about it, and we were like, we should just record this and put it out there.”
Rocky has since published two more titles – Belinda Blinked 2: The continuing story of, dripping sex, passion and big business deals.: Keep following the sexiest sales girl in business as she earns her huge bonus by removing her silk blouse. and Belinda Blinked 3: The continuing erotic story of sexual activity, dripping action and even bigger business deals as Belinda relentlessly continues to earn her huge bonus. – each following the character of Belinda Blumenthal, a sales executive for the fictional Steel’s Pots and Pans.
The third season of My Dad Wrote a Porno, the hit podcast hosted by Morton with James Cooper and Alice Levine, premieres on Monday (#pornoday), and the series has amassed quite a following, including many recognisable names – from Elijah Wood to Michael Sheen.
When I ask Jamie who their most surprising fan is, he has to think for a moment. “Oh, that’s a good question. I think Daisy Ridley from Star Wars… just because she’s fronting the biggest film franchise in history. She seemed so prim and proper and kind of classy, and then she’s reading pornography on the set of Star Wars – or listening to it, at least. That really kind of thrilled us.”
I can only imagine that it’s Rocky’s masterful prose and creative descriptions of the female anatomy that have drawn in such a wide audience (example: “Her tits hung freely, like pomegranates”). What the Belinda Blinked series is lacking in plot, it certainly makes up for in vast, bizarre descriptions of Belinda’s various sexual encounters – from being tied to a trellis with some parcel string in the middle of a maze, to a liaison with a woman known only as The Duchess (whose nipples are “as large as the three inch rivets which had held the hull of the fateful Titanic together”).
Of all the odd descriptions of women’s bodies, Jamie says this one is his favourite. “Why are you bringing in a terrible maritime disaster?! You’re trying to turn people on – stop mentioning people who died in a terrible tragedy. That is one of, I think, the best lines in modern literature, to be honest. I mean, just literature full-stop. It’s up there with ‘to be or not to be’.”
I can’t help but ask questions about the man behind these words – Rocky Flintstone. Where did he come up with his ridiculous nom-de-porn? “He says that he’s called Rocky because of a show called The Rockford Files. It’s a 1970s American Drama about this cop called James Rockford, and I think James Rockford’s dad in that is called Rocky, and Dad fell in love with it.”
And as for Flintstone? “I’ve no idea. Maybe the stone is some sort of phallic reference. I don’t really know. Maybe he’s just a fan of Fred and Wilma.”
And with season three about to kick off, I ask if there’s anything Jamie can reveal about the upcoming episodes. He’s hesitant to say too much.
“Something happens in chapter one of book 3 that was referenced in book 2, which I think people are going to be very very excited about. It’s kind of a good balance of more of the same stuff, some of the old characters coming back, some new characters, and just some crazy Belinda-shaped adventures, which are very unique to the Flinstonian universe.”
The new season isn’t all we have to look forward to. My Dad Wrote a Porno has also managed the tricky transition into live show, coming to Australia and New Zealand later in the year – but not in the way you’d expect.
“We got invited to perform at the UK Podcast Festival about a year ago now, and we were just thinking about what we wanted to do, really. We were like, we don’t just want to record an episode of the podcast because that’s a bit boring… and so I thought I’d go through all of my old correspondence with my dad.
“In amongst all this stuff, I found this chapter that he’d written that hasn’t been in any of the books. Maybe it’s in some future book, I don’t know, but currently it hasn’t emerged, and se we read that chapter – which we call ‘Rocky’s Lost Chapter’ – and as we read that, we have video elements, we have reenactments to get people up on the stage, and we’ve created a whole kind of multifaceted show from that chapter.
“People have gone really crazy for it – they come dressed up as the characters. People get really involved. It is a lot of fun.”
And as for Rocky, will we ever meet the elusive author? “I’m not sure he’ll ever want to unmask himself, but who knows. He would absolutely live up to all the hype – that’s the one thing I can assure you. People say don’t meet your heroes, but Rocky Flintstone, he’s the real deal.”
Season 3 of My Dad Wrote a Porno premieres Monday 29th May, and Jamie will return to Australia and New Zealand for the live tour later this year. Dates are below.
Auckland – Bruce Mason Centre – Aug 15
Melbourne – Hamer Hall – Aug 17
Melbourne – Athenaeum Theatre – Aug 18
Sydney – Sydney Opera House – Aug 19-20
Brisbane – The Tivoli – Aug 21
Adelaide – Her Majesty’s Theatre – Aug 23
Perth – Astor Theatre – Aug 24
For tickets and more details, head HERE.
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