The Danger 5 team have found themselves in the Vatican City, attempting to track down Hitler and the slimy lizard creature that escaped from Mengele’s body in the last episode. Lizard Mengele has gathered together a troop of his own like-minded Nazis who want to overthrow Hitler. Disguised as priests in red cloaks and various creepy masks, the Nazis torture Hitler, before locking him inside a coffin filled with green ooze. Unfortunately, Hitler has an uncanny ability to hold his breath for an extremely long time.
Pierre, naturally, is enjoying himself in the thick of the nearest party, a Vatican Disco Mass celebrating the sixth day of Christmas. Jackson is spying at the Nazis on the rooftop across from them and Ilsa is on the phone to Nikita. This time, Nikita has had enough of flirting with Ilsa and lets slip that Holly is the ‘princess’ he is after. Furious, Ilsa immediately seeks her revenge – by hooking up with Jackson and taking erotic polaroids to send to Nikita and make him jealous. Jackson cottons on to Ilsa’s plan, but just as he does, a mysterious red-cloaked, gold-masked figure appears behind Ilsa and gasses her. Jackson and the cloaked man have a brawl, which ends up with Jackson falling out of the window.
Meanwhile, Mackenzie is trying to work out what Hitler might want with Holly, the apparently immortal teenager. He even tries slicing a samurai sword into her skull, just to test out whether or not her immortality is still a thing. This sends horrifying flashbacks through Tucker’s mind of Claire’s death. He locks himself in a room full of Pierre’s VHS collection and drawer full of pills. Tucker starts downing handfuls of pills, hoping to take the pain away. Suddenly, the door flies open and sucks Tucker into a fantasy of the perfect Aussie backyard on Australia Day.
Pierre has been exploring the halls of the Vatican, when he defensively shoots and kills one of the red-cloaked men. He is beside himself with grief, until he spies a telltale swastika ring on the man’s hand and realises that these cloaked figures are not actually priests but Nazis in disguise. He feels much better and jauntily kills another Nazi he comes across. He puts on a cloak and mask before heading into a room to see what these Nazis are up to. Pierre discovers Lizard Mengele and his men with the Pope tied up, threatening to inject him with an over-sized syringe full of green ooze. Pierre acts fast and jabs the syringe into Mengele’s neck before lobbing the Pope out of the window to get him out of there.
Back in the bedroom, Jackson and Ilsa have been taken captive by Erwin, a former lover of Ilsa’s. Ilsa realises in horror that the gold mask he wears is modelled on her face, and Erwin confesses that he has loved her so much, that he wants to become her. He strips off his red cloak to reveal a woman’s body underneath, clad in lacy white underwear. He straddles Jackson, who is bound to the bed, first in his woman form, and then in the form of an Egyptian cow god, hoping to make Ilsa jealous. But Ilsa just laughs, as she explains that Jackson isn’t her lover, just a good friend. Jackson is devastated to hear that he has been cast into the friend zone.
Mackenzie has entered Tucker’s mind in order to save him from falling into a state of permanent psychosis. While this is happening, the doorbell rings and Holly answers hoping it’s the delivery of the Nachos Italianos she ordered. To her disgust, it’s actually Nikita, who has come to take her away with a bunch of grumpy looking balloons and fistfuls of candy. Holly escapes out the window, only to fall on the Nachos Italianos delivery guy’s car, which careens into the nearest Pizza Hat, causing a huge explosion. Holly is the only one left on the scene, uninjured of course, but Nikita manages to drive past and whisk Holly away in the back of a van.
The Nazis are utilising a dummy Pope to address the crowd, explaining that he wants to make a few changes, handing out swastika-shaped communion wafers to the people. Pierre knows this is all a trick, however, and smashes one of the disguised Nazis with a beam. Another Nazi goes to pull a gun on Pierre, but just in time, the actual Pope comes by and shoots the Nazi dead, throwing Pierre a mix-tape with a wink.
After subduing the cow god by turning into a wild cat using one of her bracelet charms, Ilsa and Jackson come to Tucker and Mackenzie. Ilsa wakes up Mackenzie, who was finally able to get Tucker out of his fantasy after Hitler appeared in his head and ruined the party.
Hitler somehow punches his way out of the ooze-filled coffin, but as he does, he looks up to see Jackson, Pierre, Ilsa and Tucker, all in the room with guns raised. They spray him with bullets sending him to hell. However, just because Hitler’s dead, that doesn’t mean it’s all over…
This episode was really crazy. What was with the cow god dude with the melted face who wanted to become Ilsa? How many men have fallen to Ilsa’s charms in the past? Will Jackson ever make his way out of the friend zone? Will Tucker stop hallucinating and move on from the death of Claire? Will Pierre and the Pope collaborate on a mix tape? And now that Hitler is dead, what is Danger 5 to do?
Review Score: THREE STARS OUT OF FIVE
Danger 5 screens of SBS 2 and is available on SBS On Demand.
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